We all have different ways with our children, for no two families are alike. Likewise, no two kids are alike either. We may have all sorts of plans for our children’s upbringing, but at the end of the day, it’s how strong we are as adults, and how we face the many parenting issues that we run into that matters. It all comes down to the principles we live by as parents. Keep calm, and let’s see what it gets down to.
Spare the rod and spoil the child: Where do you stand on this?
While many of us may have memories of being spanked or hit during our childhood for things we did wrong, this form of punishment is looked upon as abuse in many parts of the world. There are child experts who believe that hitting as a form of punishment will result in a child being more prone to fighting and showing aggression with other children. Asian parents of today do still resort to this, especially when all else fails, as a stern warning to their child never to repeat a certain offence. Having said that, when it comes to hitting or spanking as a form of punishment, there is a fine line between mindful disciplining and venting out one’s anger on a child – so do think twice before you do it, we say.
Set appropriate limits and rules
Children need to be guided from a very young age towards the right path in life. If they live a life free from limits and rules, they will have a hard time adapting to real life, which is far from the fantasy life of being able to do as they wish, whenever they wish. Parents have to establish a good balance of rules for their kids to abide, whereby these rules should not shelter them too much from reality, yet not allow too much freedom to the point of being unreasonable in their demands. Think about how you’d like to see them grow up and work towards that. Remember too, that micromanaging your child’s every step is never a good idea, for children will either get too dependent on instructions or get tired of being supervised all the time. Nothing good ever came of either!
Be consistent!
If your rules vary from day to day in an unpredictable fashion or if you enforce them only intermittently, your child’s misbehavior is your fault, not his. Your most important disciplinary tool is consistency. Identify your non-negotiable rules and limits. The more your authority is based on wisdom and not on power, the less your child will challenge it.
Your actions are your child’s lessons
Your child is watching and learning from your every move, especially during the first five years of his life. Every single thing, from how you handle stress, to the way you talk to people and how you react to the actions of others, are all being observed and collected as data, to be tested out later by your little one. Note: Studies have shown that even babies as young as six months old can tell if someone is being bullied, and may even feel sorry for them!
So, what are you putting out there for your child to take in? Do you say the things you’d like him to say to people? Do you lash out or calm down during times of adversities? Do you thank people often enough for their good deeds towards you? Do you exude kindness towards others? Do you discriminate? As long as your actions are exactly what you want your child to learn from, you’re on the right track.
Be involved with your child’s life
Today’s world of easy connectivity to everyone else tends to rob us of precious moments in the present, especially with the ones who are physically close to us. We seem to be quite caught up with connecting with friends and family who are not around, that we forget to be involved with our children who may be in need of our attention. Being involved with our children’s life may not be easy, for it takes a lot of time and effort, but it will ensure that your kids get the attention and assurance they need to thrive and grow. It’s important to know too, that while being physically there with your kids’ matters, being mentally present is just as important! Communicate well with your kids and see the difference it will make in their lives.
Children deserve to be treated with respect
Adults are not wrong to expect respect from the younger generation, but first, this respect has to be emulated. The best way to get respectful treatment from your child is to treat him respectfully. It’s only fair that a child gets the same courtesies that their parents would give to anyone else. As parents, speak to your children politely and respect their opinion, even if they vary from your own. If you find that your child’s way of thinking will be harmful to him, or if it is the wrong way to think and feel, explain to him kindly and respectfully, why it is so.
Another way parents can model respectful behavior is by listening intently when their children are talking to them. This will, in turn, teach their child that paying attention when others are talking is important for good communication, and of course, it’s simply more respectful too.
