As Malaysians, we live in a rich, multi-racial environment. It doesn’t matter what race you are, your child will inevitably have to come to contact with kids from other races and backgrounds.
They will realise that people come in different skin tones, speak different languages and even behave differently than what they’re accustomed to.
No matter how we feel in our hearts about people or persons from another race when it comes to our kids, we would like to believe that they will somehow be respectful and tolerant of other races. Children, however, are observant of differences among people, even if those differences often go unspoken. Hence, according to Kristina R. Olson, assistant professor of psychology and cognitive science at Yale University, avoiding conversations about race and discrimination can actually lead children to form their own incorrect conclusions about racial differences.
Why you need to broach the subject
As parents, it probably never occurred to you to have conversations with your children about race. Obviously, this can be an uncomfortable subject to broach when it comes to kids. In fact, it’s right up there with the subject of the birds and the bees!
Many parents fear to say the wrong thing, or they lack a similar conversational context from their own childhood experiences. Embarking upon these conversations, however, can help children begin to better understand complex social issues such as racism and comprehend the need for tolerance among the different races in a community.
Education on racial tolerance is the only way to help children form healthy, lasting opinions on fairness and justice.
What’s your behaviour like?
What is your view of people from other races and do these views show in terms of your behaviour towards them? Children see children do! Research has shown that from as early as infancy, a child is capable of noticing differences in skin tone. So, it’s up to you to model appropriate behavior from the time your child is still young, by socializing with people of various racial backgrounds and showing the same kind of respect to people of all races.
Children whose parents had a diverse social group are found to be less likely to show racial bias themselves. As your child enters the toddler years, it can become more appropriate to point out differences in dolls or characters in books in a nonchalant manner. If your child makes disconcerting comments about another race, gentle redirection is the way to go, with an explanation that our differences are what make us special to one another.
By the time your child reaches school age, you can begin having broader conversations about racial discrimination. Again, you can’t expect to teach your child tolerance if you don’t lead by example.
What are your kids observing right now?
Studies show that babies recognize differences in skin color and hair textures. Parents will always have the upper hand in teaching their children about racial tolerance through their actions. It’s important for kids to see their parents interact socially with people of other racial and ethnic groups. Apart from that, early exposure to a diverse environment will further help children see past skin color and other differences.
Race should not be an uncomfortable topic of discussion
Rather than making the subject of the race a taboo topic, answer any questions your children might have openly and without judgment. This will help prevent a young mind from forming an own conclusion in regard to racial differences. As you can’t be by your kid’s side when he or she is in school, you will have no idea what your child has witnessed in regard to racial discrimination. Hence it’s important to conscientiously bring up the topic now and then, to not only impart your part’s lesson to your child but also to learn what he has already been exposed to in regards to this matter.
Explain the importance of treating all people with respect, regardless of skin tone. Answer questions logically, redirecting conversations back to similarities rather than differences whenever possible.
Seize teaching opportunities
If you listen intently to your school-going child as he or she relates the goings-on of the day to you, you might be surprised at how many opportunities there may be to open up conversations about racial tolerance. For example, a friend or even teacher might have behaved in a racially discriminating manner towards someone. Your child might not necessarily have realise even, that discrimination was taking place. So it would be up to you to impart your lesson and teach him or her the better!
Television shows or even some storybook may portray characters being treated poorly because of their differences. If you happen upon them, use that as a catalyst for conversation about why that kind of mistreatment is wrong. Encourage your child to put himself in another person’s shoes, so to speak, and ask about how he would feel if he or someone he loved were treated poorly simply for looking different from the rest. Reflect together on how many similarities people can have on the inside, even when they might appear different on the outside.
Avoid overreacting
If your kid makes a questionable remark about someone’s skin color or cultural practice, don’t automatically assume the worst. Children often repeat what they hear others say, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that they believe it, only that they don’t know any better! Ask your child what caused him or her to make that statement and gently set the stereotyped or prejudiced attitudes right.
It’s also common for children this age to assign positive traits to people of their ethnic group and negative traits to people who look different. As a result, you may hear troubling comments about another kid’s funny-looking eyes or the friend who has very dirty-looking skin. The best way to respond is to rebut these statements in a calm, straightforward manner, such as,“ His skin isn’t dirty, it’s just not like yours. People have different skin colors…”
With loving guidance, racial attitudes tend to improve as children grow older and mix around more with friends of all races and various backgrounds. Children become receptive to the idea that we’re different and alike at the same time, so stress this concept whenever possible and whenever needed.
