Parents these days are enrolling their children into all sorts of enrichment classes, all in hopes of giving their children an edge over their peers and to have a better chance of moving ahead in society’s stiff competition. While parents generally go out of their way to ensure the development of their children’s IQ, many have neglected to nurture their children’s EQ.
The ability for logical reasoning and technical intelligence constitute a person’s IQ. It cannot be denied that a good IQ is essential for a child to do well in school and later, at work. However, a high IQ by itself does not guarantee that your child will stand out or do well in life. It is also important to nurture your child’s EQ for him or her to gain some inner contentment and fulfilment in life.
EQ, or emotional intelligence, is the ability to understand and manage emotions. Managing emotions well is a crucial ability that will help to create more rewarding interpersonal relationships and provide more fulfilment in life. There will be many emotionally-charged issues that your child will face in life, for example, handling big projects, job applications, and even marital conflict. It is important to constructively regulate emotions during such times for things to work out well. Individuals who cannot manage their emotions well are more likely to develop troubling behaviours and detrimental habits such as substance abuse, becoming physically abusive and aggressive, develop eating disorders, and getting involved in delinquency.
Nurturing both your child’s IQ and EQ is not as hard as it may seem. Your child’s EQ begins with his relationship with you. Just practice these simple steps with your child to develop a good EQ as well as IQ:
01. The magic of your touch
High EQ starts during infancy with the baby’s earliest interactions with his or her parents. Do not be afraid to spoil your child by responding quickly to cries. Pick your child up for a cuddle when you feel he or she needs it. Responding to your child’s wants and needs will develop feelings of security and trust.
02. Acknowledgment and empathy
Although empathizing does not have to mean you agree, it does show that you see the issue at hand from your child’s perspective. Even if he or she may have to do what you say, your child must know that their point of view is noted. It makes the child feel good to know that what he or she thinks to count too, even when they are required to adhere to yours.
03. Freedom of expression
Showing disapproval of your child’s feelings of fear or anger will not stop him or her from having those feelings. Instead, it will force the little one to bottle up such feelings. These pent-up feelings will not fade away and will eventually build to a boiling point. Children do not have conscious control over their feelings, so they may pop out unmodulated, such as when a child hits his sister, has nightmares, or develops a nervous tic.
Children need to express themselves, no matter how they feel. Your acceptance helps your child accept his or her own emotions, which will help them to resolve their feelings and move on. Your constant reassurance also helps them to have better control over their own emotions. Your acceptance teaches your child that his emotions are normal, not dangerous, not shameful, and most importantly, manageable.
04. Teach problem-solving
When your child faces a challenge, as a parent, you must resist the urge to rush in and handle the problem for them. Instead, you should give them room to solve their problems. Sometimes, children can do this themselves but at other times, yes, they might need your help. Children need to know how to find constructive solutions to problems but also know that they can always turn to their parents for help and guidance.
05. Play it out
When a child develops a negative pattern, it indicates that there are some major feelings that he or she does not know how to handle. This will be the time to step in with the best medicine – play. Children experience major feelings such as anger, fear, frustration, anxiety, sadness, and jealousy daily. These feelings can be well processed with play. For instance, your child can learn to cope with feelings of jealousy of a sibling or friend if he or she is given the opportunity to share some toys and play together. Just as how tears release stress hormones, laughter is the best medicine too, to combat ill feelings and such!
06. Model emotional intelligence
Leading must be done by example. You must regulate your own emotions well before you can encourage emotional intelligence in your child. Most parents forget to keep their emotions in check when they are upset at their child and pave way for screaming contests. It is important to remember that your reaction can either calm or inflame the situation. You must stay calm and see things from your child’s perspective before you attempt to set limits because children learn emotional regulation from their parents. What they see you do is what they will do. So whenever you are at home, keep emotions in check and do not let emotions get the better of you.
With EQ being as important as IQ for a child’s growth, you would want to develop your child emotionally for the benefit of their character-building. You need not be well-versed in child psychology but fret not, as the six methods above can serve as a guide to empower your child emotionally.
