All parents want to succeed in raising happy, well-adjusted children, but there seem to be much-contradicting opinions on what it takes to achieve this goal. Some follow scheduled feeds while others feed on demand; some immediately pick up a crying baby while others believe in leaving the little one to cry for a bit before responding; some believe that early education should begin at infancy while others do not.
Whether you are the parent of a newborn or a preschooler, the parent of one child, or more, you’ll naturally want to do what’s best for your child. So, what exactly are the correct responses to a child who is crying, is frightened, wants to be picked up, refuses to sleep, or demanding attention?
In short, while you want to be loving to your child, you’ll also want to be smart about it. Here’s how:
Be in your child’s shoes
Step into your child’s shoes and try to ‘see’ the world through the little one’s eyes. A child is just that — a child. He or she is not a miniature adult, hence they should not be expected to act as an adult or in a more ‘mature’ manner. They are naturally immature and will act so — and as parents, you’ll be better off embracing this immaturity than trying to fight it.
Could you be fostering unhappiness?
If you come across as perpetually unhappy with your child, always acting tough and talking negatively, then it’s only natural that your child will get used to that unhappiness. This is why some children seem to be always doing whatever it takes to be ‘unhappy’. So, do take heed and do not unwittingly end up fostering unhappiness and misery in your child.
Don’t make “behavior modification” your priority
If you wish your child would simply behave better, do keep in mind that a child’s inner happiness is what leads to good behavior. Chances are your child will behave better if you spend less time trying to change his or her behavior to suit the standard of others around you.
Quantity time
Understandably, many parents are too busy to spend a whole lot of time with their children. On the other hand, though, the rewards you and your child will reap when you manage to find more time to spend together, are great! So, make the effort! When it comes to quality in family relationships, nothing quite compares to quantity time spent together.
Don’t worry too much about spoiling your child
We often hear that constant gratification of a child’s desires will result in behavioral issues in the future and that your child may end up ill-prepared to face the real world. The reality is that your child’s intense desires for your attention will not appear to be so in the first place if you are consistently able to respond positively to him. So, go ahead and gratifying your child’s needs and wants within good reason, especially his desires to engage your focused attention. It will not spoil your child! It will not make him hopelessly self-centered or unable to accept delayed gratification. Your child’s all-encompassing need for your focused attention will decrease when there is a certainty that you, the parent, will provide the attention he needs at the right time.
Think for yourself and trust your instincts
As parents, it sucks to feel stuck between being a pushover and a disciplinarian. You can, instead, find a middle ground. Trust that your parenting instincts are the best ones. If your head tells you that tough discipline is necessary, but your heart is not in it, take a step back and ‘listen’, for when it comes to parenting, your love (read; heart) should count for something!
