The modern world is full of ups and downs. It is a world run and judges by achievements, whether we care to admit it or not. As adults and parents, we are more capable to withstand the challenges that life throws at us, but how do we teach our kids to do the same? By raising resilient children!
If our children are brought up to be resilient, it means that we have managed to provide them with the tools they need to respond to the challenges of adolescence and young adulthood and to navigate successfully in adulthood. Despite our best efforts, we cannot prevent adversity and daily stress in their lives; but we can teach them to learn to be more resilient by changing how they think about challenges and adversities.
When a child is born into that environment
The modern family – The one that is always on the go, with schedules full of extracurricular activities, and ever-present peer pressure of performing well in preschool, kindergarten, primary school, secondary school, and not to mention in their sports, dance class, math club, etc. In the teen years, the anxiety and pressure are related to getting into the dream college. Millions of modern children all around the world are born into that environment and if a child can’t cope, it could spell trouble.
In today’s environment, children and teens need to develop strengths, acquire skills to cope, recover from hardships, and be prepared for future challenges. They need to be resilient in order to succeed in life. In a book called A Parent’s Guide to Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Your Child Roots and Wings by Kenneth Ginsburg, M.D., MS Ed, FAAP, a pediatrician specializing in adolescent medicine at The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP), the seven “C”s of resilience are outlined and parents can use them to help their children recognize their abilities and inner resources. Here they are:
Competence
Competence describes the feeling of knowing that you can handle a situation effectively. As parents, you can do your part by promoting more competence, and here’s how:
- Help your child focus on individual strengths he may have
- Focus and deal with any identified mistakes on specific incidents
- Empower him to make decisions
- Be cautious that your desire to protect him does not mistakenly send a message that you don’t think he is competent enough for the task or situation at hand
- If you have more than one child, recognize each competency of siblings individually and avoid comparisons
Confidence
A child’s belief in his abilities is derived from his self-confidence. Help him build the confidence he needs by:
- Giving due focus on your child’s best ability/abilities, so that he can recognise them too
- Clearly expressing the best qualities, such as fairness, integrity, persistence, and kindness, to encourage them on
- Recognizing when he or she has done well
- Praising honestly about specific achievements while avoiding praises that may lack authenticity
- Not pushing the child to take on more than he or she can realistically handle
Connection
Developing close ties to family and community creates a solid sense of security that helps lead to strong values and prevents alternative destructive actions such as a craving for attention. You can help your child connect with others by:
- Starting at home: Build a sense of physical safety and emotional security within the home
- Allowing your kids to express emotions, good and bad, without judgement. This is so that they will not keep things bottled up inside, and so that they’ll be more comfortable reaching out to you during difficult times
- Addressing conflict openly yet amiably in the family to resolve problems
- Creating a common area where the family can share time (not necessarily TV time), and encourage them to gather there as often as possible
- Fostering healthy relationships that will reinforce positive messages
Character
No child is born with a set of morals and values to determine right from wrong. Children need to develop these so that they’ll be capable of caring for others, and be inclined towards doing the right things. To strengthen your child’s character, start by:
- Demonstrating how their behavior affects others
- Helping your child recognize himself as a caring person
- Demonstrating the importance of community
- Encouraging the development of spirituality
- Avoiding racist or hateful statements or stereotypes
Contribution
Children need to recognise the prospect that the world could a better place because they are in it. Understanding the importance of personal contribution can serve as a source of purpose and motivation. Teach your children how to contribute by:
- Communicating to children that many people in the world do not have what they need
- Stressing the importance of serving others by modeling generosity
- Creating opportunities for each child to contribute in some specific way
Coping
Learning to handle daily stress effectively and to cope with it without letting it affect his health and wellbeing will help your child be better prepared to overcome life’s challenges. Positive coping lessons include:
- Modeling positive coping strategies consistently
- Guiding your child to develop positive and effective coping strategies
- Realizing that telling him or her to stop the negative behavior will not be effective
- Understanding that many risky behaviors are attempts to alleviate the stress and pain in kids’ daily lives
- Not condemning your child for negative behaviors and, potentially, increasing his or her sense of shame
Control
Children who realize that they can control the outcomes of their decisions are more likely to realize that they can bounce back. Your child’s understanding that he or she can make a difference further promotes competence and confidence. You can try to empower your child by:
- Helping your child to understand that life’s events are not purely random and that most things that happen are the result of another individual’s choices and actions
- Learning that discipline is about teaching, not punishing or controlling; using discipline to help your child to understand that his actions produce certain consequences
Children need to know that there are adults in their life who believe in them and love them. There is no simple answer to guarantee resilience in every situation, but we can help our children develop the ability to negotiate their challenges and to be more resilient and more capable to handle life’s adversities.
