There isn’t a parent in the world who does not want their child to be happy one of the saddest things for a parent is to witness their child going through an unhappy or sad experience in their life. However, on the flip side, some parents find that no matter what they do, their child does not seem to be happy. What’s happening here?
When it comes to ‘unhappy’ children, it’s easy to conclude that perhaps it’s a trait that runs in the family – although neither mom nor dad will be rushing to own up to this. Still, even if a child’s temperament happens to be genetically influenced, it doesn’t mean their ultimate happiness is predetermined. If you feel that your kid is a predominantly unhappy one, rest assured that you, as a parent, can play a major role in turning this around! Here are a few guidelines we hope will be useful to you.
When your child is talking, you should be listening
As busy as it gets trying to keep a clean home and seeing to your family’s needs, parents cannot afford to not listen intently when their children are talking to them – even if it’s just nonsensical ramblings about goodness knows what. Making sure you actively listen to your children is important because it enables them to put forward their thoughts and feelings, knowing that a parent is always there for them. It will also help them develop trust and establish healthy relationships with adults and peers. On a practical level, listening helps develop and sharpen their skills in negotiation and communication, and last but not least – if you want them to grow up to be a good listener, you need to role model it!
It also helps to remember, especially with smaller children, that if you don’t listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won’t tell you the big stuff when they are big, because, to them, all of those things they shared have always been big stuff.
Support them through failures
Complimenting a child on a job well done is always a good thing, but don’t forget to provide them with ample opportunities to master new skills as well. Mastery, after all, is the real self-esteem builder. When it comes to toddlers, for instance, nearly everything they do is a chance to attain mastery – because it’s all new to them: learning to crawl, walk, feed and dress, use the potty, and ride a tricycle. The real challenge for parents is to stand back and let their little ones do for themselves what they’re capable of. The biggest mistake many parents make is doing too much for their children and as a result, they take away precious learning opportunities.
We get it – it can be difficult to watch your child struggle. Still, they’ll never know the thrill of mastery unless you allow them to risk failure. Few skills are perfected during the first try. It’s through practice that children achieve mastery, and through repeated experiences of mastery, they develop the can-do attitude that lets them approach future challenges with the zest and optimism that are essential for a happy life.
Give them a sense of responsibility
Children have an innate desire to be needed. So the more you can convey to your child that he is making a unique contribution to the family, from an early age, the greater his sense of self-worth and his ultimate happiness. Kids as young as three years of age can already play meaningful family roles, whether it’s helping to sort out the laundry, or refilling the cat’s dry-food bowl, or even mopping up a small spill with a kitchen cloth. Know your child’s strengths and assign responsibilities that play up those strengths. For example, if your child seems to enjoy arranging stuff, find things in the house that he can safely arrange for you. Or, if your child is the loving, nurturing type, getting him to entertain a younger family member while you sort out dinner will play up his natural skill while he makes a useful contribution to the family. Of course, do not let the deed go unnoticed – show your appreciation and your child will be happy to help the next time too.
Practice habitual gratitude
Studies have consistently linked feelings of gratitude to emotional well-being, whereby people who keep daily or weekly gratitude journals are found to feel more optimistic, make more progress toward goals, and feel better about their lives overall. Keeping a journal, for most children, would be quite unrealistic. There is an effective way, however, that works for children – and that’s to ask each member of the family to name aloud something he or she is thankful for. One of the best times for this to take place is at the dinner table, either before or during the meal. Making this a ritual will foster all kinds of positive emotions, and it is more than capable of fostering true happiness.
Teach your child how to express emotions
Toddlers feel a lot of the same emotions adults do, the difference is they don’t have the words or skills to name them, nor do they understand the best way to express them. So, it’s important to teach them healthy approaches to expressing their feelings. Firstly, teach them to name their feelings. Children need to feel heard and understood to grow up with resilience, and naming their emotions allows them to not only learn about their feelings but feel heard.
Also, your child will need to see you deal with big feelings like anger and frustration in a healthy manner. It’s also important for their mental wellbeing that they understand the fact that it’s normal to have bad feelings now and then. Which means that telling them to ‘move on’, or being dismissive when they feel unhappy, distressed, frustrated, or angry, may result in them thinking that they must never show how they feel. As a long term result, they may end up bottling up their feelings for fear of being different from others.
Whenever your child seems angry, sad, disappointed, or frustrated, firstly, help him identify his feelings. Then, suggest steps to take that will help remedy the situation. All these take an effort on your part as a parent, but the result will ultimately be a child who is simply happier and more confident of himself.
